PACT-Based Practice for Couples

The Individual’s Bubble

PACT Principle(s): Mutuality (two-person system), Having your partner’s owner’s manual Topic: Boundaries and Personal Space Overview: The need for personal space varies from person to person. […]

Putting Your Partner to Bed

PACT Principle(s): Care and feeding of your couple bubble; Put your partner to bed each night, wake up together each morning.  Topic: Bedtime Routine Considerations: […]

How to Use PACT-Based Practices for Couples

  • These practices are designed for couples to use at home to develop or enhance their own secure functioning relationship. They are not a substitute for couple therapy or a consultation with a licensed mental health provider.
  • Each PACT-Based Practice corresponds to one or more PACT principles for a secure functioning relationship. You can either select one at random or choose based on an area you and your partner feel you need assistance.
  • Set aside at least thirty minutes (ideally an hour) of uninterrupted time to select and read through a practice.
  • Identify a reasonable goal or intention for each practice such as "increase intimacy" or "feel more connected."
  • Decide how long you and your partner would like to focus on that particular practice. One week is a good general rule for sticking with one practice before moving on to another one. However, you may decide to devote several weeks or a month to a particular practice. Once you decide the time period you want to dedicate to a practice, schedule a time in the future to reflect on the experience.
  • Set aside a few minutes each day to check-in with each other specifically about the practice. Many of the practices have specific questions or discussion prompts for your check-in.
  • Be flexible and creative. These are not one-size-fits-all practice suggestions. You and your partner may need to make several adjustments in order for a practice to work well for you.
  • Be gentle with yourself and your partner. The idea behind the practices is to support your growth as a couple, not to provide a weapon to use against each other. The goal here is progress, not perfection.
  • Have fun. Be silly. If you find yourselves fighting or blaming each other hit the pause button.

How to Use PACT-Based Practices for Couples

  • These practices are designed for couples to use at home to develop or enhance their own secure functioning relationship. They are not a substitute for couple therapy or a consultation with a licensed mental health provider.
  • Each PACT-Based Practice corresponds to one or more PACT principles for a secure functioning relationship. You can either select one at random or choose based on an area you and your partner feel you need assistance.
  • Set aside at least thirty minutes (ideally an hour) of uninterrupted time to select and read through a practice.
  • Identify a reasonable goal or intention for each practice such as "increase intimacy" or "feel more connected."
  • Decide how long you and your partner would like to focus on that particular practice. One week is a good general rule for sticking with one practice before moving on to another one. However, you may decide to devote several weeks or a month to a particular practice. Once you decide the time period you want to dedicate to a practice, schedule a time in the future to reflect on the experience.
  • Set aside a few minutes each day to check-in with each other specifically about the practice. Many of the practices have specific questions or discussion prompts for your check-in.
  • Be flexible and creative. These are not one-size-fits-all practice suggestions. You and your partner may need to make several adjustments in order for a practice to work well for you.
  • Be gentle with yourself and your partner. The idea behind the practices is to support your growth as a couple, not to provide a weapon to use against each other. The goal here is progress, not perfection.
  • Have fun. Be silly. If you find yourselves fighting or blaming each other hit the pause button.

Subscribe to PACT-Based Practices for Couples

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Why Video Recording My Sessions Makes Me a Better Therapist

Training in the PACT model sparks excitement for clinicians. It also presents a steep learning curve. Even seasoned therapists experience some uncertainty when learning such […]

Cultivating Your Couple Bubble

In a healthy romantic relationship partners create safety and security with each other. Partners have each other’s backs and the folks around them see that […]

13 Reasons Why Not

For the past two weeks I’ve had an internal debate about whether or not to watch the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why. Normally I wouldn’t […]

Scientists Have Pinpointed The Annoying Genetic Mutation That Turns Us Into Night Owls

From ScienceAlert.com By Fiona MacDonald, April 7, 2017 Any night owls reading this will be familiar with the struggle of constantly trying to fit into […]

Confessions of a Late Bloomer

True confessions: I never really wanted to be a couple therapist. I tell people that I was a late bloomer when it comes to couple […]

You’re Not Crazy, It’s Just PTSD

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) makes people feel crazy. Really, really crazy. I am not even joking about this. Imagine living in a constant state of […]

Surviving Life in a Post-Election World

Regardless of political leanings, it’s safe to say that most of us feel the effects of the increased negativity in the political atmosphere. The tone […]

Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships

 I recommend this to all my couples and, because I’m kind of a dork, I also give it as an engagement gift to friends. Most of […]

What Was She Wearing?

How to Teach Your Kids About the Brain

Here’s a great article for parents, teachers, and therapists interested in helping kids improve emotional intelligence.     

Childhood Trauma Leads to Brains Wired for Fear

  A brief explanation from Bessel van der Kolk about the long term impact of childhood trauma on the brain.  

Asking for a Friend: I’m in Love With a Republican—What Do I Do?

Asking for a Friend: I’m in Love With a Republican—What Do I Do?  Last year my friend, Liza Featherstone, who writes for The Nation interviewed […]

It DOES Matter: A Therapist Dissects Hillary And Trump’s Marriages

Stan Tatkin Looks at the Candidates from a Couple Therapy Perspective

The danger of high-functioning depression as told by a college student.

The danger of high-functioning depression as told by a college student.  A good reminder for clinicians that even if it doesn’t look like a duck or […]

Eight things not to say to someone with anxiety…

Eight things not to say to someone with anxiety…   Good article from a first hand perspective on how to be helpful, and how be unhelpful […]

Debunking Some Myths About Trauma Therapy

Over the years I’ve found that there are some frequent misconceptions among clients seeking treatment for trauma. Based on outdated ideas of trauma therapy and […]

Some Qualities of Secure Functioning Relationships

Having a secure functioning relationship can be one of the most satisfying aspects of our lives.  When we’re in a secure functioning relationship we feel […]

Our Nifty Brains, One of their Shortcomings, and Bears

Many of the people who seek treatment with me have a history of trauma. For some, it’s what we in the therapy biz call “big […]

Holding the Hope

Some people seeking therapy are just feeling a little stuck, or looking for more direction and clarity in their lives, while others come in feeling […]

Hey! Watch Out for that Big Pile of Dog Poop!

Like most things worth our effort, therapy is hard. It’s hard in the way that running a marathon, birthing a baby, cooking a seven course […]

Scroll to Top